


Just When You Thought You'd Seen It All

by heartsdesire456



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Merlin (TV), Sherlock (TV), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Crack Pairing, Crossover, Gen, Humor, Implied Mpreg, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-06
Updated: 2012-10-06
Packaged: 2017-11-15 17:36:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>RIDICULOUS crack in which John comes home to find Sherlock arguing with a man in a strange costume who claims to be a god named Loki, whose purpose there is to bring Sherlock's son, Merlin, to stay with him. EXTREMELY ridiculous. You've been warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just When You Thought You'd Seen It All

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever written, I'm pretty sure. Basically, my friend Abigail and I got to talking about Merlin (from the TV show 'Merlin') and how the actor who plays him looked like the offspring of Sherlock and Loki (blue eyes, cheekbones, tall and gangly). Then we thought 'hey, he does magic, which is Loki's specialty' and 'Loki in mythology has multiple mpregs!!!' and somehow it ended in her asking me to write crack for her... who am I to disappoint?
> 
> NOTE: the reason I didn't include a non-con warning is because it's a humorous crack fic, it's barely mentioned, and it isn't really a 'thing' in the story. BUT if you must be warned, there is a mention of non-con.

In his time living with Sherlock, John had grown used to strange things in their flat. He’d seen body parts from man and animal, plants that defied logic, weapons that he faintly knew existed, and had walked in on scenes that made little sense. It was all part and parcel of knowing Sherlock Holmes. After a few years of it, he figured nothing could surprise him anymore.

Walking into the flat and finding Sherlock standing with two men dressed in what he could only assume were renaissance era costumes was one thing he had never prepared for. 

John looked at Sherlock and Sherlock perked up. “Oh, John! You’re just in time!” he said, gesturing for him to come over.

John smiled awkwardly. “Sorry am I interrupting?” he asked, then glanced at the very tall man wearing black, green, and gold. “A festival in town, then?” he asked lightly, only to have his polite laugh die off when the man continued to glare at him. “Alright, Sherlock?” he asked and Sherlock nodded.

“John, this is Loki. Loki, I _told you he existed!_ ,” Sherlock hissed, glaring right back at the man.

John frowned. “Sorry, why wouldn’t I exist?” he asked in confusion.

The black-haired man rolled his eyes. “I cannot be blamed for assuming anybody who can put up with this wretch for more than a few months is merely a phantasm dreamed up in Sherlock’s overexcited mind,” he said, waving a long, slim fingered hand absently.

John offered a tight smile. “Yeah, I get that a lot,” he admitted and Sherlock rolled his eyes. “Sorry but did you say _Loki_?” he asked, looking from Sherlock to the man in front of him. “As in… the one from mythology-“

Sherlock flapped a hand. “It’s not mythology, it’s reality, those primitive people just didn’t know how to explain it,” he argued and Loki sneered.

“The things they say about me-“

Sherlock snorted. “To be fair most of the things they said were true-“

“Hold on,” John interrupted, holding up a hand to either. “Someone start from the beginning.”

He looked at Sherlock and Loki, who were glaring at one another openly, then glanced to the third man, who had been quietly examining Sherlock’s skull on the mantle. He looked up and offered John a wide, enthusiastic smile. “Oh I can do that!” he said, walking closer. “I’m Merlin. You see, they agreed I’d come stay with Father for a while when I turned twenty-one and I have, so Mum’s brought me here. However, he doesn’t trust Father and seems to forget I’m actually an adult who can handle himself, you know how mothers are,” he said, waving a hand lightly. “So Father told him you lived here but he didn’t believe you were real because- well to be honest they really hate each other and Mum can’t imagine anybody putting up with Father for very long,” he said simply.

John just stared for a few moments before clearing his throat. “Right, Sherlock, what did you drug me with and should I go to hospital?” he asked, turning to glare at Sherlock. “And don’t say it wasn’t you, I knew not to trust you making me tea this morning.”

Sherlock gave him an offended look. “ _John_!” He huffed. “Alright, it’s quite simple.” He pointed at Loki. “He came to earth and posed as a drug dealer when I was in Uni and had his way with me one night-“

“Psh, you liked it,” Loki argued and Sherlock waved a hand right in his face.

“Still raped me,” he muttered absently. “Anyhow, when he went back to Asgard-“

Merlin interrupted, speaking to John with a friendly smile. “Another realm, best way for you to understand is probably ‘another world in outer space’ sort of,” he offered and Sherlock flapped a hand at him.

“Yes, yes anyhow,” he continued. “His father, the king, was fed up with Loki running off and coming back pregnant so he came to Earth and kidnapped me- Mycroft was very upset- and long story short, Loki is my ex-husband,” he finished simply. “I managed to cause enough trouble in Asgard that Odin let me divorce Loki and come home.”

“You always were the most annoying, irritating, insolent insect,” Loki derided and Sherlock scoffed.

“Well it isn’t my fault you had your way with me while I was high off my arse-“

Loki sighed dramatically. “Yes well it wasn’t my fault the male with the highest intellect I could find at that institution of education was _you_ ,” he hissed. “I needed offspring with superior intellect, I couldn’t very well let a sniveling moron impregnate me!”

John just cleared his throat. “Right, so you’re an alien who wanted a genius baby, so you raped a genius human and somehow that made it possible for you to bear said child?” he asked, then chuckled, shaking his head. “I honestly thought I’d heard it all by now,” he said.

“I am a god you puny human!” Loki snarled and John just crossed his arms, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

“Right, a god who decided to reproduce with the most annoying tit in Britain. Good job,” he said, and Merlin laughed brightly.

“Actually, could be worse, my older brother is an eight-legged horse,” he said and John just smirked, looking over at Loki, who looked indifferent.

“Right,” he said, then nodded at Merlin. “Tea?” he offered and Merlin nodded.

“Yeah, thanks.” He followed John into the kitchen. “I like you, you’re a lot nicer than Father. Less annoying that Mum too,” he said, and they both got quiet when they heard Loki make a strangled growl back out where they came from.

“Now look what you’ve done! You’ve gone and made Merlin think I don’t value him-“

“He’s the only one that’s part-human, you don’t value him, Loki. You have a daughter who rules her own realm, another son who is the king’s steed, then here you are shipping Merlin off to earth-“

“Oh, and you act like you give a damn about him, you haven’t seen him since he was born and Odin let you leave-“

“Hey, I like do like him!” Sherlock argued. “He’s very simple and amusing. Quite like John, actually-“

John snorted and Merlin just snickered. “That doesn’t bother you?” he asked in a low voice, nodding at the door as he looked at Merlin. 

Merlin shrugged and shook his head. “No, not really. Mum’s never been around and I’ve never met Father until today. I wouldn’t expect them to like me.” He grinned brightly. “But I’ve always wanted to come to earth! Asgardians aren’t the brightest race, you know,” he said, giggling slightly. “And Father’s wrong anyhow, everybody thinks I’m thick but I’m actually quite clever. And I’m better at magic that Mum,” he said, smirking secretively. “I think it’s the ears, makes me look kind of simple,” he said and John snickered.

“Don’t worry, I’ve seen photos of Sherlock, he still had some growing done after your age, you’ll grow into them,” he comforted and Merlin grinned.

“I’m sure you did the math so you know I’m older than I should be,” he said, then nodded. “And you’re right, twenty-one on Asgard is still a child so I’ve got a bit of growing still, I think. I hope so, I figured Father would be shorter than me,” he said, looking annoywed.

John snorted. “Tall bastards, the both of them in there,” he said pointedly.

Merlin snickered. “Father’s actually a Frost Giant, but he’s just Asgardian sized, so he’s technically a midget-“

John barked out a laugh, then slapped a hand over his mouth at how loud he was. Merlin just dissolved into laughter with John. By the time they had caught themselves on the countertops, leaning together against it to stay upright, Loki and Sherlock were both standing in the doorway, looking annoyed and amused respectively. “Are you quite finished?” Loki asked brusquely and John nodded, though Merlin was still hanging heavily on him as they laughed.

Sherlock just tilted his head, a small smile on his lips. “Well, there goes the question of ‘how will John take Merlin being around’ answered,” he said and John finally caught his breath.

“I think I like him better than I like you, Sherlock. Best be careful, we might kick you out,” he said, slapping Merlin’s back as he coughed. 

Loki just sighed. “Merlin, do compose yourself.”

Merlin bit back his snickers and nodded. “Sorry, Mum.”

Loki glared at Sherlock, then at John. “I swear to you both that if something happens to my son in your care, I’ll unleash the power of all my magic and destroy your entire world,” he threatened and John just grinned.

“Sounds good, mate.”

Loki grumbled but circled the table, pulling Merlin into a crushing hug. “You be good for your Father’s boyfriend-“

“I’m not his-“

“Hush, peasant,” Loki growled, then kissed Merlin’s head, still clinging to him. “And do kill your Father for Mummy,” he said.

Merlin made a face when he kissed his cheek and wiggled free. “Mum, mum stop, I’ll be FINE! I’m an adult, you know-“

“Mummy is going to miss you, my darling boy,” Loki said, sniffling as he squished Merlin into another hug before backing off. “Goodbye,” he said, and before John could blink, he had disappeared.

Sherlock relaxed some. “Oh thank God he’s gone!” He walked over and flopped onto the couch. “JOHN! Call Lestrade, I want to solve something NOW!”

Merlin just glanced at John’s annoyed look and grinned. “I think this is going to be fun,” he said and John chuckled.

“You have no idea.”


End file.
